warning:: if you don't like stream-of-conscious rants, you may want to skip this one.
it's one of those days. one where I feel completely lost. I was up too late last night. went to a concert, and didn't get home until late. and didn't sleep very well, as I had to have some caffeine on my way home to stay awake to drive. snooze bar was my friend (enemy) this morning. now that I'm at work I can't seem to find anything I need. no one I need to talk to is in. and my brain is in slow-motion. all I want to do is either sleep or go outside and enjoy the sunshine.
on top of that I have that anxious feeling. I need to do more training. the race is less than a month away. I haven't been in the water in weeks, my back still hurts when I bike and run. maybe I shouldn't do the race. but I have to. that's my way of reclaiming my life. I'm still angry that this had to happen to me. and part of the reason I'm doing the race is to prove to myself that I will be back to fully functional soon.
also, I got a message from a friend last night. one of those I have news, but I have to tell you in person (meaning on the phone). yep, I'm sure she's getting married. that leaves me as the only one of my close circle of friends my age from college that's not married (or shacking up with her boyfriend for years). every time I get the I'm engaged or I'm having a baby call, I'm always very happy for my friend, but always feel a little left behind in the race of life. like I'm not part of the team anymore.
I'm just in a funk. it's just a lost day.