brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

a picture and a thousand words (or less)

I've been inspired.

By my photography class. By Jeremy's new photo-laden blog and his comment from earlier today. And by Charming and NaBloPoMo.

Much like Charming I considered doing the write-a-novel-in-a-month thing, but who am I kidding. I don't have time for that.

So, instead, I will post every day in November.

When I considered this earlier this week, I balked. I didn't think I could come up with something to write every day without boring you all to tears.

But it all came together. I've also been needing to organize some of my photos. Particularly as I'm hoping to use some as gifts for the holidays. Now, while I'm camera-less is as good a time as any.

Looking through my archives of pictures always makes me want to share them. And always brings up memories. Like my pumkins did earlier today.

So, after listening to one of my favorite photographers describe his work, and the situation or story behind his photographs for the last two nights, I know what I want to write about.

The picture-inspired stories. I hope to post a photo and tell a short related story every day for the next thirty days.

(And, not to worry, those of you who can't go a whole month without tales of my boring life, and since I'm sure I can't refrain, life-update-posts will happen every once in a while as well.)

We'll see how this goes. Wish me luck.

Happy Halloween

Enjoy your haunting and trick-or-treating!

While the ghosts and goblins are knocking at my door, I'll be at my photography class. Learning how to improve upon my images, such as the one above. And hoping to replace my camera, so I can take a workshop.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007


The day began a bit slow and bumpy. Being asked to get up extra early, even if it includes free breakfast is not my idea of a good start. Having to sit across the table from the biggest kiss-up I know, was the worst part.

After listening to kiss-up inflate his ego, the running-around-like-beheaded-chicken started. Back to work after breakfast meeting I quickly gathered what I could remember for mid-morning meeting.

In mid-morning meeting, I realized I'd forgotten half of what I needed. But I am nothing if not good at improvising.

So good, in fact that I convinced the others in the meeting to completely come around to my way of thinking. On both issues that I hoped to. And without the help of the information I had to back me up. Which remained on my desk.

Later, while listening to a great presentation by my old boss, it hit me. And this will sound incredibly conceited, but I'm good. At my job. At the work I do for the job-like thing I do, but don't get paid for. And at other things, too.

I'd forgotten that recently. With the flurry of impossible deadlines lately. With the poor management I've been dealing with. With the feeling in my gut that there is something going on with the boy that he isn't sharing; that something's been not quite right since he got back.

They're lucky to have me. My job. The association. The boy. If they can't see it, their loss. Perhaps moving on is all I can do.

Of course I wish I could dismiss any of it that easily. But today put things in a little better perspective for me. Even before tonight's photography class, which I'm taking with my mom, where we talked a bit about perspective.

Monday, October 29, 2007


My consolation prize was going to another game. Another game with another heartbreaking ending.

Despite the final outcome, the game was fun. At one point my parents, sister and I were all in hysterics. We made fun of the people with cheese on their heads.

Seriously, who thought up wearing a slice of cheese on your head to symbolize you're a fan?

Despite my dislike for all things associated with the cheeseheads, watching Brett play what is likely his last game at a mile high, was pretty cool, particularly with the (ex) Buff kicking for them.

And, well, after ditching our plans last night, the boy offered up his own form of consolation prize. This time it's my job that will keep it from happening. But I told him that when he first suggested.

I think that makes a difference.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I had a ticket to tomorrow night's WS game. I didn't think there was any way at all that I wouldn't get to see a game in person. The Red Sox dashed my hopes last night and the previous three games by simply out playing our boys.

Most heartbreaking was they didn't play to their potential. Nothing like they'd played in the twenty or so games it took for them to make the WS.

Also sad was I had the chance to switch my ticket for Saturday'a game. I declined the offer because of the boy. It was his first night back, afterall.

I should have taken the offer.

I'm mostly annoyed by how I came upon the ticket for Monday. It's a great perk from my company. But The Man said they were giving them out in priority. And if you took a game you were then moved to the end of the list.

Fair, it would seem. Except the last game I went to on company tickets was the tiebreaker. And the people who got to go to the guaranteed WS tickets had been to actual playoff games on the tickets, and are not senior to me.

Just part of what is making me seriously consider my options.

Friday, October 26, 2007

what do they say about curiousity?

Thoughts began swirling as I'm killing time until a friend joins me for a drink. I'm anxious. I know a bit of it has to do with the games.

But more has to do with the boy getting back from his trip tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to seeing him. There is no doubt in my mind there. But over the course of the weekend he will meet my sister and other friends. And while we're dressed in costume.

Some of my more, how shall I put this, judgemental friends. Some of the friends that told me after the last was gone, that I kept him around too long. Some of the friends I made promise they would tell me what they really thought.

They may or may not really divulge their thoughts. But I really want to know. I want to know if I'm too caught up in all the fun and excitement and am missing something big.

This one is different. I think. I'm curious if they will see it too.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

audible sigh

I know. I've been quiet lately. Not for lack of things to say, but for lack of time to say them well.

Work has been crazy. Even more so after taking time out, twice, to try and get WS tickets.

What a joke that whole process was. I know about fifty people who tried. None who got tickets. Luckily for me, I get to go on one of our company tickets if the game happens. Neither the boy nor my friends are happy about that.

I've been working at home, to make up for my inefficiency during the day.

Tonight I'm just sad. 13-1, seriously?

Come on, boys. Your fans are still behind you even if management has no clue.

Go Rox!

Monday, October 22, 2007

packing memories

I caught the ridiculously early flight. To maximize the time I could help my mom. My mom picked me up from the airport. We went in search of breakfast while we waited by the airport for my sister's later arrival, so she could sleep in.

Once back at my grandma's house the difficult tasks began. Sifting through twenty-two years of memories, and this was just her winter home.

Closets and cupboards were cleaned out. Everything was cleaned. Her silk flowers and furniture were left for staging the house.

We packed up memories through the tears. Told "remember when stories." And allowed ourselves a few relaxing dinners out as breaks.

We even listened to a few baseball games on the radio, as the cable was disconnected when we drove the RV away months ago.

We carefully packed everything we didn't trust anyone else to move into my grandma's Caddy. Using every last inch of available space. My mom drove to the airport, my sister and I with her suitcases on our laps. We dropped my sister off for her flight, and began our drive home.

That was the toughest part for me. The drive I'd done a dozen times with my grandma. Just the wrong way for a Fall trip.

One time when my mom had dozed off, I glanced over and remembered doing the same so many times to make sure my grandma was comfortable. Tears welled up and spilled out of my eyes, rolling down my cheeks.

I miss her so. This was an incredibly difficult week for us all. And this was just her winter home. With little stored. Minimally decorated. We're not ready for the other yet. The one she'd lived in since my mom was in high school. That one will have to wait.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

home for a night

I'm home. Finally. But I leave in less than twelve hours.

I have to finish my laundry, packing, online check-in. All without waking TheDog, who is snoring at the foot of my bed.

If I drag my laptop along, I may fill in the story from the past week. If not, I'll have plenty of time next week.

Either way, I hope you all have a fun and relaxing weekend. I'm just happy to be home for a night. Then off to see great friends.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


Sitting in a motel room with my mom in the next bed is not exactly where I would choose to be. Particularly with the boy off touring around the one country that I've wanted to visit since high school, but never been. But there are things that just have to be done.

She didn't even ask. We offered. And I don't regret it for a second.

The last few days have been difficult. On all of us.

I'm exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

My sister called to be sure we were safe. She is. Safe at home. We are on our way. When I have more mental clarity I'll explain better.

Right now, rest is what I desperately need.

Monday, October 15, 2007


Walking for coffee where I learned TheDog would be allowed back on the patio. Lunch with amazing friends on a patio-perfect Fall day. Drinks and bowling with a good friend, one I nearly thought I had lost as a friend. Capped off with happy hour with the girls that took us through most of the Rockies second NLCS victory. Late night texts of the flirtatious sort. All came together despite a little work on my day off to create a perfect Friday.

Saturday wasn't bad either. Another quick walk with TheDog. Working all day at the beer fest with a break in between shifts with the girls. Having our own personal adorable chauffeur home as we decided that was better than a cab. The chauffeur graciously driving J all the way home. Then me to the airport in the morning.

If only all weekends could be so full of the good things. And could be followed by fantastic games when the home team wins and makes it to the World Series. Go Rockies!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

beers and boys

As we walked around the beer fest at the end of our first night of pouring, my friend nudged me and nodded in the direction of a guy staring our direction. It was the ex. The one I met volunteering the first year.

He appeared a little too happy to see me. Reached in for a hug, which caught me off-gaurd. The last few years I've endured our yearly run-ins across a table. Either his when checking in, or mine when pouring.

As he always does, he asked me how I am, completely disregarded the answer, then launched into a telling of his life.

Was he always this selfish? I'm not certain, but I suspect that the answer is yes.

I suspect he hid that when we first started dating. I suspect I grew to ignore it. But I now have no tolerance for it.

I tried to keep the conversation short. Insisting we needed to get back to where we were pouring. He asked where that was, I vaguely indicated near the entrance.

For the first time I really didn't care to talk to him. Unlike when he called this past summer and part of me wanted to know why. I now didn't care at all.

As he reached in for another hug goodbye, there was a vibration. That of my cell in my pocket with a text from the boy who was meeting us out afterward.

That made me smile. A big cheschire cat grin.

Friday, October 12, 2007

busy, busy

Although I took time off to rest and relax before and during the GABF, it didn't work as I'd hoped. I worked most of the day yesterday, hurrying home to be there when J picked me up.

The beer fest was fun last night. Despite running into the ex. Despite the boy's short stay at the bar with us afterward. I'm not worrying about his too-busy for now. As, I'm too caught up in my own.

Walking TheDog for coffee, lunch with friends, afternoon meetings with others, happy hour with yet others, and a late night drink with S. I barely had time to sleep-in today between my social schedule and the work I had to get done.

The craziness will continue. This weekend the beer fest continues, as well as a trip to help my mom pack up my grandma's house. If we're not too busy next week, there will be more details. But if I am, the stories will have to wait.

In the meantime... Go Rockies!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

not good?

Plans cancelled at the last minute. Although only tentative, the disappointment couldn't be avoided.

A simple message to cancel. A witty reply. And no more.

Don't want to read more into it. Can't help it. He's not the last guy. But he is a guy.

And every time things appear to be good. Something happens to change it.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

fish tales

He lifted it to his mouth. Once inside, his eyes closed. A smile spread across his face. The pure pleasure evident on his face.

He later asked if we could go away for a weekend and do mostly this. As I lifted my wine glass to my lips, I agreed it would be a great idea.

I smiled. He asked why. I said I was enjoying our evening. What I didn't quite admit was that I was really enjoying being there with him. With someone who likes raw fish, perhaps even as much as I do.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

fall frolicking

Sitting on a park bench with my mom and TheDog. An abbreviated shopping excursion, just as I like them. Wine and dinner. And a mocha for dessert.

Walks through crunchy leaves with TheDog. Coffee in hand.

Laughing with friends.

Foolish attempts to come by cheap baseball tickets by the field, instead watching at one of my old favorite hangouts. Stolen kisses. Comped late night dinner.

Sleeping in. Pumpkin delivery. Witty exchanges.

Just a few of the great parts of my weekend. The worst part? What they called a football game today. Pathetic.

Friday, October 05, 2007

random Friday thought

So many thoughts swimming around. None I can articulate right now. Instead I leave you with this.

For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don't enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with family or friends, then the chances are you're not going to be very happy. If someone bases his [or her] happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn't going to be happy much of the time. If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

~ Andy Rooney

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Although we've progressed to actual phone conversations, I still love the flirty texts. He's either incredibly charming, or just the best player I've ever met. And I've met some.

I've been looking forward to our date tomorrow since last I saw him, briefly, after the game. Although never telling him this, tonight, the glowing white screen told me he felt the same.

My intuition tells me he's sincere. But my intuition has been wrong before. I hope it's not this time.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

active within _

As anyone who has done it knows, when you meet someone on the interweb, the ability to gauge how you think the relationship is going is a little easier, and harder, all at the same time.

It's impossible not to do. To check to see if the one you've started dating is still logging on. Still looking.

It's impossible not to feel a little jealous if they are. And if they're not, it's perhaps too easy to get complacent that things are going well.

At some point, if things keep going well, one or the other takes their profile down. When one does but the other doesn't, it's impossible not to wonder what that means.

Does the one who took their profile down think they've found the right (or right, for now) someone? Or did their subscription run out?

Is the one who left their profile up not as content with the one they've found, for now? Still looking? Or just keeping options open?

On the other hand, aren't the real interactions, the words that are spoken and written, the actions, more meaningful than little words on a website?


Still on the high from the game, I stopped by to see the boy briefly. He told me he was getting used to seeing me. I'm not sure what exactly that meant, but by the way he said it, I know it was good.

He said that my team had become his second favorite. He asked if we would be alright if his team played mine in the World Series. I said yes. Without hesitation.

I think we're both getting ahead of ourselves. After all, there are a lot of games to be played still.

Monday, October 01, 2007

baseball in October

After a disappointing Friday afternoon and evening, my day became much better with beers on a rooftop with the boy.

The weekend continued to improve. I think perhaps I had the perfect Saturday.

It started off incredibly well. Included coffee, a phenomenal football game, a great baseball game, and very good company. And ended with a walk home, holding hands, closing my eyes against the wind, trusting someone completely.

Sunday was a bit more relaxing, spending time with TheDog who has been feeling neglected. Although the last game I watched part of from my couch, the outcome allowed for at least one more game.

I hope the good luck continues as I was lucky enough to get to go with some coworkers to tonight's tiebreaker game. And it would be really cool if the home team could make it to the playoffs.

Fingers crossed.