brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

looking for my who?

I usually just write whatever comes into my head. I forget that other people read it, and comment. that they can sometimes have been there insight, good advice, or at least comforting support. gentle prodding and not-so gentle insistence. empathy and why nots. wingman offers and a fabulous trip idea.

thanks everyone, very interesting comments and advice on last night's post.

there was one comment that made me think in a totally different direction, and come up with a different question. I'm definitely paraphrasing here, but one of the insightful ones said something about looking for the who and not the how.

the thing is I think I know what the who is (more or less, even though, it's the who I can't find). the how is what I don't know, which is why I was trying to figure out if I should expand the how by casting a net online.

still not convinced on that one, but back to my who for a minute.

I have almost always had great role models in men. sure they all have their faults, but for the most part my dad and brothers, all of my guy friends, the guys my female friends date and have married have all been great guys. many of them have many of the characteristics that make up my who.

and sure, I've known plenty of guys that have helped form my idea of what characteristics my who definitely doesn't have. those stories have and will be told.

the question this comment made me ponder was the standard waiting for Mr. Right when there are plenty of Mr. Right Nows around. if knowing what I'm looking for in my who is keeping from finding any who.

I've had people tell me I'm too picky. maybe I am. I think that's mostly because I know there are guys like my who out there. a guy that is caring and intelligent and fun.

a guy who is smart and successful, but doesn't see the need to brag about it. a guy that knows the value of lifelong friends.

a guy that would dance with my single girlfriend at weddings, so that she doesn't feel left out of the coupled crowd. a guy who would drive with their new girlfriend for hundreds of miles to introduce her to his (female) best friend.

a guy who would stop by my friends' house to pick up her dog, so she could go straight from work to happy hour with me. a guy who would take his girlfriend to a hockey playoff game if she knew what the blue line means.

a guy who treats his sisters or brothers with respect, yet acts a little protective of them. a guy who respects his parents and doesn't blame them for everything that has happened in his life.

a guy who values his career, but also his family and his social life. a guy who truly believes I'm beautiful, inside and out, despite my lying in a hospital gown, definitely not looking or acting my best.

a guy who likes roughing it camping as well as traveling in style. a guy who understands that a night out with the girls is a great chance for him to have a night out with the guys.

I know, I know these are characteristics of many different guys. but the general things I hope to find in my who are inherent in some of these. and maybe I am being too picky. but I don't want to settle. and I know there are these great guys out there. surely they're not all related to me, or married to my friends, or my good guy friends?


GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

You don't deserve any less than the right guy. I truly believe that!

Rebecca said...

Glitter is right. Don't settle... EVER! You'll find him (just remember that he's looking for you too)!

Jerk of All Trades said...

OK, I was expecting some rhyming. You're no Dr. Seuss! No Horton, no hearing, but plenty of who's.

Maybe you're trying too hard. Looking too hard, for your who.

Someone ALOT wiser than I said "It's called FALLING in love for a reason." Don't look for it, just let it come to you. Relax, he's out there, he'll find you OR you'll find him. It just might not be like how you envisioned it.

Look WITHOUT looking Grasshopper. Search by NOT searching. Only then will you be able to snatch the pebble from my hand.

P.S. I KNEW mentioning Cheesecake would get your attention. :)

ramblin' girl said...

thanks GGG and Rebecca!

and Jerk-
you hit the nail on the head. no, I can't rhyme. well I can but you wouldn't want to read it.

actually I am hardly looking at all. I just have fun doing the things I love to do, and if he happens to show up somewhere great! if not at least I'm having fun, enjoying my life.

(see the whole reason for these last two posts is my friends just think I need to look harder, maybe not expect to find exactly the kind of guy I think is out there.)

ps - I actually hate cheescake. but do like the cheescake factory, although it seems like an odd place to have you play wingman, as I've usually been there on dates.

Amy (alter ego: Katrina) said...

Um - yes that vacation idea was wonderful - I say we do it and laugh the whole time!!!

And I think a lot more guys are like what you are describing and just haven't figured it out yet or don't want to admit it.

Hang on RG - we all want the same thing and I am convinced (positive mental attitude goes a long way!) that we will meet someone like this. Maybe they are on that singles cruise. hahaha

Jerk of All Trades said...

It was a failed attempt at a joke. Not a good wingman place at all.

Just keep doing what you're doing. That's the best way to meet a person who's interested in the same things. I have NEVER understood people that don't like drinking and crowds, going to a bar to meet somebody. Do what you love doing, that's how you'll network and meet somebody who LOVES the same stuff.

DUH! :)

Shananigans said...

Sometimes the one really is right under your nose. My boyfriend of over four years was a casual acquaintance in our circle of friends for about two years before we got together. Not that you necessarily already know the right one for you, but maybe…I’m just sayin’ he could be right there. Also, good advice on the not settling issue. I don’t believe settling makes anyone happy in the end.

Yoda said...


Food for thought, as always...check out my post from this morning on "Settling" over at Whale Watching.


The World Against Me said...

WOW.. does a man like that really exist? I would so fail on every account. =( I will crawl back under a rock and hide now.

But don't settle, if that is what you want. You will find it.

j2 said...

your friends just want you to not be the solo one. they're just gonna have to get over it. they're all married and paired up and being all couple-like. they think you're missing out because your not all in love like they are. the time for you is not now (or else you would be with the One). it'll happen, you know it.

here are your five-

How often do you wash the sheets on your bed?

What is your one biggest guilty pleasure?

Do you have any Paris Hilton in you?

What’s your biggest addiction (or vice)?

What is one song that can always turn your mood 180 degress?

you then have to post the q&a's on your blog and inturn offer interviews to others.


Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

I've heard midgets are great lovers

Jen said...

RG, I hate cheesecake too. Definitely don't settle, but keep your eyes open, because people can surprise you, and someone who you think could not even be a candidate at first might actually be the One.

The World Against Me said...

All these talk about the One reminds me of Matrix..

But have you seen the movie Sliding Door.. things happen for a reason, with often unexpected results.

ramblin' girl said...

world against me,
I LOVE sliding doors! great movie.

Aarwenn said...

Cold medicine really effs me up. In a ten-second head trip, I've thought about Batman Begins, intertwined somehow with how much stress I'm under at work, and practically hallucinated. Maybe I should go home.

And I completely forgot what I was going to say to you, until now: You should know that my very best friend in the whole world was once like you; thought that only weirdos did online dating, swore she'd never do it, etc, etc, and then I convinced her to try it, and she's been with her boy for almost a year and they're very happy together! I'm a lucky charm, really! In spite of the fact that I'm on drugs. :)