I usually just write whatever comes into my head. I forget that other people read it, and comment. that they can sometimes have been there insight, good advice, or at least comforting support. gentle prodding and not-so gentle insistence. empathy and why nots. wingman offers and a fabulous trip idea.
thanks everyone, very interesting comments and advice on last night's post.
there was one comment that made me think in a totally different direction, and come up with a different question. I'm definitely paraphrasing here, but one of the insightful ones said something about looking for the who and not the how.
the thing is I think I know what the who is (more or less, even though, it's the who I can't find). the how is what I don't know, which is why I was trying to figure out if I should expand the how by casting a net online.
still not convinced on that one, but back to my who for a minute.
I have almost always had great role models in men. sure they all have their faults, but for the most part my dad and brothers, all of my guy friends, the guys my female friends date and have married have all been great guys. many of them have many of the characteristics that make up my who.
and sure, I've known plenty of guys that have helped form my idea of what characteristics my who definitely doesn't have. those stories have and will be told.
the question this comment made me ponder was the standard waiting for Mr. Right when there are plenty of Mr. Right Nows around. if knowing what I'm looking for in my who is keeping from finding any who.
I've had people tell me I'm too picky. maybe I am. I think that's mostly because I know there are guys like my who out there. a guy that is caring and intelligent and fun.
a guy who is smart and successful, but doesn't see the need to brag about it. a guy that knows the value of lifelong friends.
a guy that would dance with my single girlfriend at weddings, so that she doesn't feel left out of the coupled crowd. a guy who would drive with their new girlfriend for hundreds of miles to introduce her to his (female) best friend.
a guy who would stop by my friends' house to pick up her dog, so she could go straight from work to happy hour with me. a guy who would take his girlfriend to a hockey playoff game if she knew what the blue line means.
a guy who treats his sisters or brothers with respect, yet acts a little protective of them. a guy who respects his parents and doesn't blame them for everything that has happened in his life.
a guy who values his career, but also his family and his social life. a guy who truly believes I'm beautiful, inside and out, despite my lying in a hospital gown, definitely not looking or acting my best.
a guy who likes roughing it camping as well as traveling in style. a guy who understands that a night out with the girls is a great chance for him to have a night out with the guys.
I know, I know these are characteristics of many different guys. but the general things I hope to find in my who are inherent in some of these. and maybe I am being too picky. but I don't want to settle. and I know there are these great guys out there. surely they're not all related to me, or married to my friends, or my good guy friends?