brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

wrong path

Sometimes I find myself contemplating things. Sometimes this contemplation takes place at very inappropriate times. Sometimes in the middle of a family gathering.

There's a path that's expected of me. Of a person my age. Particularly a female my age.

We're to be married and having kids.

This expectation is ridiculous sometimes. I have friends who think I should just have the kids on my own if indeed I want them. And I do want to have kids. Definitely.

But I want to have a family, not just the kids.

And sometimes hanging out with my brother and his so-called perfect family, I want to scream. I think maybe the not having kids is a good thing for me.

I think more than the kids, I really want the guy. Until last night, I thought there was a chance I might have found him.

Last night ensured the path that everyone thinks I should be on is out of my reach. And watching my brother, made me realize that maybe that's alright.

4 comments:

VJ said...

Sorry RG. You're ever cryptic here, but it seems as if you've gotten crossed over w/the boy. Lots of us have swell & mighty plans. Then luck, fate & 'accidents' happen, and you're on to plan, f...or s. Always scrambling to get by, or to make the next grade. But rarely does one night seal your fate, you're just on a slightly different or diverted path. You may get there yet, you may find new places, you may find yourself in new places getting & having all you can handle. But there's always other chances and more opportunities for fulfillment of dreams and the creation of new vistas.

Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

Elizabeth said...

RG, Sigh. A man broke my heart recently. I feel the alone acutely as well. I also feel the peripheral sense of perhaps dodging a bullet, but I discount that to sour grapes.

I am, ever hopeful. For you, for me, for all the lonely people out there.

But, the next best thing to being with someone you love, who loves you back, is being with yourself, and being able to truly love yourself back.

I'm working on that.

Jeremy said...

Here is a Hug...

I am sorry.

Glitter said...

What happened? What did the stupid boy do? Notice I called him stupid, did that help?