brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

eventually

Some days everything seems to go wrong. Despite feeling empowered after a very productive meeting, the deadlines begin to suffocate. the weekend evaporates into thin air.

The issues from the accident are getting worse. The pain. Both physical and financial. Everything is crashing in around me.

I try to vent to my sister but she cuts me off, to tell me about her own more important life. I try to vent to my mom, but she too is busy with her own things, and not even home.

Then the boy calls, and he vents about his terrible day. I ask him about it. Try to be supportive.

Then he asks how mine was. I tell him in one word and he continues to vent about his.

I get that sometimes people need to vent. But venting should never be completely exclusive. Take the time to get it out. But then give them a little time to vent back if they need to.

Perhaps my day has just made me overly sensitive. Perhaps I just needed to vent.

When everyone else failed me, TheDog rested her head on my arm. And gave me that look that says everything will be alright.

And it will. Eventually. This I know. I'm just ready for that eventually to be now.

4 comments:

VJ said...

Dogs are always more reliable for loyalty, affection, kindness & remembering. Always. Count on it.

So expect very few to fully understand, a few more perhaps to sympathize, however briefly. There are no real respites from these brutal facts. No one wants to hear about or from it much. Until they are stricken. And then they come into understanding. Many decades hence, if they are truly fortunate.
----------------------------
Pain a panegyric

Pain speaks, and the body answers. Things slow down. Get hazy, fuzzy around the edges.

It grins it's wicked grimace and shows you things you never noticed previously.

The halting, mincing steps of the elderly. Some go with extra caution recalling the pitfalls of past pain. Some move with great reluctance enduring what they must to move forward, just a bit. Knowing they are carrying a great weight that seeks to press them into the dirt.

It's a dark secret nether world of hidden deadly logic that few recognize until it's too late.

It's the call on the intercom of consciousness from the stricken plane of existence from the co-pilot of rationality shouting 'Pull up damnit, UP!!'

And up never comes. Or it comes so slowly that the world has passed by.

It is swimming in a world of jello while others just merely go on blithely & serenely steaming by above the dark waves on swell motorboats.

Pain is a thief of time, the forger of the grimace & set jaw, the bringer of silence, the freezing of movement and the longest distance runner who's out paced every attempt humanity has ever shown to try and control or halt it's spread. It's the only horseman that happily remains unknown by the majority of humanity, and the only one you can suffer from presently for decades.

Wishing you brighter moments & Cheers, 'VJ'

Glitter said...

Venting = blog. Isn't that the same thing? : ) Okay, call me a wiseass...

Trish Ryan said...

I just saw an episode of Mad About You that talked about this--Jaime was freaking out, and no one would take 5 seconds to listen. She had a great monologue about how she was everyone's go-to person, and now that she needed someone to go to, everyone was still just coming at her, expecting her to be there for them.

Anyway, I hope you find your go-to person. And bless your dog for being there in the meantime!

hubs said...

i though you and the boy split up?