brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

the real reason

there we were sitting outside on a friend's patio on a gorgeous summer evening. drinking wine and chatting.

my friend J was detailing her exploits over the past weekend with the guys she's met online. she's having fun.

she tells us about each of her three dates and what she thought about them. one was ho-hum. one she'd be interested in seeing again before she made up her mind. and one she definitely hopes to see again.

she explains a little about how the online dating thing has worked for her, for the benefit my friend's husband who is lucky enough to be there for the girl talk.

of course eventually the conversation comes around to my (lack of a) love life. sure 24 and BikeBoy call on occasion. but the first is extremely flaky and the second I don't believe is interested, despite my friends thinking otherwise.

and then comes the inevitable question of whether I've thought about doing the online thing. we discuss my worries that the guys I'm looking for won't be there. and that it takes too much time. time I really don't have. I can't imagine having three nights open in a weekend to have dates with three new guys.

after J mentions that NowEx is on the site, my friend's husband suggests that maybe the real reason I don't want to do the online thing is that I don't want him to think I have to look there (or really, anywhere) for a date. that I want him to think I'm doing just fine in the dating world.

and it really didn't hit me until right then. (well, at least nothing past my subconscious.)

my friend's husband was dead on. I do want the ex to think that I've moved on, I'm happy, and I couldn't possibly need to look for a date anywhere.

as they say, two out of three ain't bad.

or is it?


Aarwenn said...

Isn't that always a shock?

Well done, you, for facing up to the real reason--always a damn hard thing to do. And now that I know the real reason, I'll prod more gently. But...and this is just a suggestion...surely there is more than one online dating site?

GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

Of course there is....and there's alwyays the anonymous posting too.

I've been toying with the idea of an online ad and for some reason I haven't gotten up the courage to do it yet.

Keith said...

Me too. I'm apprehensive for the same reason Ramblin'. Perhaps, one of these days I'll give it a try. May be I'll even start my own Blog. Ciao.

Rainypete said...

I don't know why people still think of online dating sites a sad final alternative. I applaud those that take the initiative to look beyond their own circle of safe and comfortable people.

Van! said...

If you do the online thing let me warn you about the millions of jerks out there (like me)

That will pray on the fact that you are yummy and will not even want you for who you are (like me)

Just dream about playing with your boobies (like me)

Jen said...

Wow, it must have been shocking to make that realization. Screw him; do what you want. You are too good to worry about that jerk. If it bothers you, couldn't you go to a different online dating service than the one he's on?

countryjasmine said...

I have been doing the online dating thing for about 5 years now. I know that sounds sad, but really its not as bad as you think. I wasn't ready for a serious relationship after I left my husband, so I have just had a bunch of "Fluff" relationships over the years. Just recently I had decided to look for something more serious, and I have met a wonderful man on Craig's List. I think that Craig's List is a good place to "get your feet wet". The best factors are that it is free and anonymous. You can place an ad and read all the responses and then decide whether or not to respond. My advice is to set up a yahoo account that is not linked to you and post an ad, if nothing else you will get a lot of laughs reading some of the crazy things men will write to try and get a date. Good luck!

ramblin' girl said...

girls, as always, you all have great points! the guys, too, well, maybe.

and rainypete- I think the acceptance of online dating depends a little on location. I have friends elsewhere, where it's odd not to have a profile up on some site or another if you're single. but around here, at least from my very unscientific poll, it still seems that most people think it odd to look for a date online.

Anonymous said...

eharmony can be rather private. you don't search & u can't search. u fill out a long, exhaustive personality profile and they match you. but then again u could end up getting matched with the ex. good luck.

JODSTER said...

I recently posted about an online site's ad that had a mistake on it. Turns out, they advertise a lot of their matches are married.

How serious do you want to get?