this summer was going to be different. it was going to be better. it’s been long enough. I no longer think about it every day.
but the reminders are everywhere. the colleague who innocently asks how it’s feeling. the friends camping that jump to help me lift something heavy. my 90 year-old grandma offering to help me sweep the floor.
I have a short routine of strengthening exercises I do every morning and every evening. they must be done, or it gets worse. if I skip a day, I pay. I don’t skip any days.
I put a pain patch on every day. it’s just part of my morning routine. I don’t even think about it being there. until it’s not. I didn’t have enough with me this weekend. I was acutely aware of not wearing it.
I’m tired of the annoying reminders. the ambulance bill that got sent to the wrong address, now it’s in collections. the next to zero balance in my savings account, depleted by medical bills. the simple tasks I still am unable to do.
signing up for the triathlon was my way of defeating the pain.
pain, you aren’t here. watch this. I can ride, I can swim, I can run.
but can I?
the second injection made it a little better. and sure I’ve been training some. but the distances have been short on the run and the bike. and what if I fall? what if I injure it more?
no, NO! no what ifs.
I can do it. I will do it.
even if it’s slow. even if I have to walk some of the run.
I will finish.
I will reclaim summer.