brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

still waiting

she walked into the room. she could see him out of the corner of her eye. but she had to play this cool. at least as cool as he was. although she already knew he had asked about her earlier, she couldn't let on that she knew that.

she looked around and spotted her friends. they grabbed a drink. one of them told a story and they all laughed. she didn't really hear what was being said. but laughed along with the others.

her mind was filled with other thoughts. with how gently he let her down when she asked him to hang out. he had other plans, but would love to hang out sometime. she believed him.

his words were always what she needed to hear. it was his actions that were sometimes lacking.

they had been friends for a while. she couldn't remember when she first met him. it seemed to her as if she'd always known him.

she felt comfortable around him. even now. despite the butterflies that ensued after their first kiss. things had been different since then. but she wasn't exactly sure how. and whether the different was good or not.

in her need to understand what was going on, she decided that it came down to that night. to how he acted when he saw her. words are easy. if nothing else, she'd learned that.

as she and her friends were talking, he walked right past her. brushing her arm as he passed. he didn't appear to see her standing there. she felt foolish, suddenly. she feigned interest in her friends' conversation.

a few minutes passed. she turned around to set her drink on the bar, just as he was walking right toward her. he stopped and gave her a big bear hug. they briefly chatted, but he had to get back. she knew he was in a hurry. and the short conversation didn't mean anything.

afterward, he walked over to talk to her and her friends. he seemed nervous, but she couldn't tell if she was simply projecting. the conversation was even shorter this time. he had to take care of something, but said he would be back in a minute.

he never came back. she waited. too long. she talked to most of his friends. her friends were all leaving. and although part of her wanted to wait, she couldn't. not alone.

she had thought that he would call her, or at least send her a note. asking where she had run off to. but days passed and nothing.

she wondered if she should have been the one to send the note. or make the call.

was he wondering, just as she was, what happened. or had she already given every benefit of the doubt imaginable. let too many things slide. exhausted all of her hopeful wishing that their friendship might turn into more.

even now part of her still waits for him to return. not the guy who kissed her, but her friend. the one who used to make her smile and laugh every morning. the guy who would bring treats to her dog. the one who would just sit and talk with her on a Saturday morning. she misses him.


Robb said...

Great post!

Wordnerd said...


jeopardygirl said...

wow. so evocative and yet wistful. you know what, though? it's HIS loss.

Rebecca said...

Great post....and a feeling I remember all too well. Not so much the friend aspect and the change of it, but the "I'll be right back"...and waiting. Too long. I remember that well.

Don'tcha hate vulnerability?

kcterrilynn said...

I think we've all been there...