maybe this year will be better than the last

he was at the table next to ours. I glanced over at his friend who had said hello as we walked in. he smiled, then quickly, shyly, looked away.

later on (after I had a little liquid courage) we shared a dance. and then a New Year's kiss.

that night I had a dream. that I woke up in his arms. no, not the guy I met on New Year's, but another.

he told me he wanted to see me again. I believed him. even reciprocated the sentiment.

nothing.

yet I continue to happen upon his voice. despite my attempted attitude adjustment, last night, instead of making me smile, it made me feel foolish.

foolish for believing him. for believing in him. for letting myself.

although I don't do resolutions, perhaps I should resolve to stop trusting so freely. to move on. to believe I deserve a guy who means what he says, that such a guy exists. to believe that actions speak louder than words. to let him respond to the opening I gave him, and to believe that if he doesn't he's not worth it. to believe it's his loss if he doesn't want to see what could be.

perhaps that does all go back to the attitude adjustment I was talking about. perhaps I'll be a little more assertive. more optimistic. more positive.

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. ~Ellen Goodman

exactly.

here's to the potential of 2006!