brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Monday, November 21, 2005

can't go home again

when I walked in I saw you. but you didn't look up from your drink. I sat down. you were only feet away.

as I talked with other friends, I could feel you looking at me. I looked your way. you looked away and missed my smile.

she was there. sitting next to you. you seemed to be ignoring her. but I knew she was with you. well, rumor had it that she was, anyway.

just once, we looked at the same time. in that instance I could tell you were mostly happy. but still unsure. a glint of longing. of remembering. of knowing. of home.

then it was gone. although I could feel your eyes continue to glance. as I played with our friends' kids. as I laughed. as I wished I could talk to you.

I know there's nothing there. I know there shouldn't be. but the feeling of home doesn't go away as easily as I'd like. it lingers.

finding out you were with her, before the last time I saw you. it made me sad. not for her. but because you're not the person I thought you were. it makes it a little easier to start to forget about that feeling of home.

then you give me a squeeze on your way out. tell me it's great to see me. and home seems closer, even though I know now that I can never go there again.


Elizabeth said...


Ah, the wonderful safety of strong arms. How cold the world seems without them. and I have so many other strong, warm and wonderful things in our lives to bring us joy. Do you know who's strong and warm and wonderful in your life? YOU! And I very well know that I have a strong and warm and wonderful person in my life, too. :-)

One of my clients told me that the reason I hadn't found Mr. Right yet was because I was one in a million, and the right guy for me was going to be one in a million, too, not some ordinary guy.

Same goes for you, RG.

Robb said...

That feeling of home can be a little dangerous. You can feel "home" in a place that really isn't home at all. I have wasted a lot of time there myself.

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving!

Yoda said...

Ditto Betty's comment.

Your thoughts are remarkable, as are you, RG.


Rebecca said...

Yikes. I know that feeling well. I think most with a history with someone does. Success is the best revenge. Being comfortable with you without him is success. Not that you seek revenge, but it wouldnt hurt a little to make him regret :)

Wordnerd said...

I'm willing to bet he's thinking about it too. Have a great holiday, okay?

Shananigans said...

All in all it was good. Swam at the Y on Saturday, went to see the new HP movie with a bunch of friends followed by dinner at Souplantation. Sunday I hit the gym again for weights and we spent the evening with our neighbors for a doggie play date, dominos, too much wine and pizza. Gotta do something about that time warp between Friday night and Monday morning though.