brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

answers or more questions

Yes, I hear you. I hear all the don't waits, move ons, just get over its. I even get it. And agree.

He just keeps making me doubt that that's what I should do. What I want to do.

Just when it gets to the point that I decide I can't do this anymore. Can't keep waiting. He says or does something that reminds me of how great things were. Still are sometimes. Still could be?

Yet hours later I'm back to wondering why I keep trying. Particularly when the more I try the more foolish I feel.

This shouldn't be this hard. Should it?

8 comments:

Jeremy said...

So give him your blog address and tell him he needs to read what he is doing to you... unless you are as honest up front with your feelings as you are on your blog - Which I am not saying you aren't - I just know there is no way I could be... communication about these kind of things is very difficult for me - even with my wife of 10 years.

Either way, I am pulling for you.

Glitter said...

Aarrgh. I hate that feeling. The questioning, the doubting yourself. Just makes you MISERABLE and wondering why you bother. Sometimes it gets to the point where you say, why continue? Seriously if you aren't getting what you need and are constantly walking on eggshells, that's pretty telling.

I'll be rooting for you, no matter what happens

Wordnerd said...

Yes, it IS hard, and that's because you are dealing with your own thoughts while trying to figure out what his are. My suggestion is this: allow yourself to be in limbo for awhile -- don't make a clean break, but don't sit around waiting, either. See if he comes around. It sounds like you'd really like this to work, and if so, then give it a little time. But. If something (or someone) interesting comes along, then allow yourself to be open to a new situation as well. If you take the pressure off yourself to make a decision right away, the days might be a little easier to deal with.

And you could do this (and I'm sorry my comment is turning into a full post!) -- set a deadline of two weeks, a couple months, whatever. Keep a journal (in your mind or on paper), and write down all the good and all the bad that happens within that period of time. If, at the end of the time, the good outweighs the bad, then that's great -- you've moved in a positive direction in the relationship. If there's more bad than good, you at least have a somewhat tangible reason to let it go.

Just my thoughts. I think you'll know what to do and when. Just remember that you have a lot of cheerleaders out here!!!

Jeremy said...

The more I thought about it the more I realized how foolish my suggestion was - this is a like a sanctuary - you don't want to always be wondering if you should or shouldn't write something because of what someone reading it might think.

I am a guy - what did you expect?

ramblin' girl said...

No worries Jeremy, I don't give my blog info out to many friends, much less a guy I'm dating... but the idea of communicating to him better is a good one, and I'm going to work on it! And Wrodnerd's suggestion as well. Thanks, everyone!

Anonymous said...

I don't usually comment, but I've been reading your blog for the past year or more (I can't even remember just how long!). I wanted to let you know that your last few posts have been resounding with a very similar situation in my own life - wondering why I keep trying, and yet, being caught right back up when things seem great. I too wish it weren't so hard...unfortunately, our feelings don't always take rational thought into account. Thank God for good friends who will speak the truth and remind us that we deserve better.

Meg said...

I'm sorry. Boys suck. Dogs are much cooler. Loyal. Stay strong.

Jen said...

I have often wondered why someone as wonderful and as talented as you has been so unlucky in love, but I remember thinking the same thing about Glitter as we saw her kiss a few frogs on the way to her prince.

This time is especially hard for you because it is not really clear whether he is a frog or not. Maybe he is a little slimy and faintly chartreuse, but perhaps he just stumbled into some bad lighting :) I think that there will be a moment that you will just know, one way or the other, but it just hasn't happened yet. Hang in there till he reveals himself for who he really is, or you get sick of waiting, I guess. I am definitely cheering for you, whatever you decide.