brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

all work

They don't necessarily get along with each other. But I love them all. My friends. All different. All dear to me for their differences. I spent most of my free time this weekend with two of them. We talked about jobs and boys and life.

One joined me for happy hour Friday, which I really needed. I've known her for over two decades, and she read between the lines of my happy hour e-mail plea to my friends and knew I needed to go out. See friends. Vent a little. She did, too, so it worked well.

We met again the next morning for coffee, with TheDog, and to swap books. She's been reading a bit on her break between jobs, and I've been looking for a good book. So we exchanged recently read favorites and talked about what the other should do about their respective boy situation.

Walking home I realized my boy situation isn't as bad as it feels at times. I know it's not great, but it's still fun, and I don't doubt he wants to spend time with me. I just may want more than he does right now.

This morning, S stopped by to walk to the coffee shop with TheDog and I. We spent hours talking. Between the walk, the patio at the coffee shop and my couch. Some of the same topics as the day before, but completely different. I've known her for less time, but she knows me far better.

We talked about the boy, our jobs, politics, house issues, and everything else. I (hope I) helped her figure some things out where her career is concerned, and she helped me with a few things I'm struggling with.

And our conversation helped me to realize a few very important differences in how you weigh your options of leaving a job versus a relationship.

With a job, you should leave not only because where you are isn't working for you, but because you're sure the next will be better. Not just different. The whole running to something, not from something.

But with a relationship, if it's not working for you, really not working for you, that's reason enough to leave.

It's about needing the job, but not a guy. It's about career paths and not making too many switches, but paths and switches aren't necessarily frowned upon in the dating world. It's about loyalty and working things out.

Many people have said they don't understand why, when it comes to my career, I can go for what I want, be assertive and self-assured. However when it comes to relationships, I can be a bit apprehensive.

My company needs me and I need them. I know if I leave I have other prospects. Although I want a guy, I don't need one, and he doesn't need me. And if I leave, there's no guarantee of another prospect.

Of course, I still won't stay, in either, if I'm truly not getting what I need or being treated badly. But it's good to recognize that, while only one is a job, both are hard work.


VJ said...

Yes but... Everyone deserves someone who really feels like they could not live or get along without you. That's where love begins, that vast gulf between need & want and being indispensable to another. I know both may feel 'fine' for the moment, and may indeed serve your needs short term. But there are other prospects, and you should still be actively searching for them and not being too satisfied with either if they do not suit your Long term goals & desires. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

Leslie said...

I think one of the main differences between moving on in a job and moving on in relationships is that you can be looking for another job while you're in one -- you can essentially go on the first few dates and get a solid offer before you even mention anything at work. Not so in relationships. I know this isn't true in every case, but you usually have to be without one for a while to find a new one. There's just a lot more risk involved...

Glitter said...

both are tough decisions, no matter how you slice it.

Trish Ryan said...

I know what you mean. I've always been able to take big risks professionally, but leave a guy who might be the one, even if he wasn't anywhere near what I was hoping for? That seemed impossible. Until I realized how much more entagled--emotionally, spiritually--I let myself get with relationships than with jobs. I needed to sort myself out a bit and figure out how not to get so snarled up :)

hubs said...

I think the best relationships are those where you actually DO NEED the other just a little bit.

But I get what your saying.