They don't necessarily get along with each other. But I love them all. My friends. All different. All dear to me for their differences. I spent most of my free time this weekend with two of them. We talked about jobs and boys and life.
One joined me for happy hour Friday, which I really needed. I've known her for over two decades, and she read between the lines of my happy hour e-mail plea to my friends and knew I needed to go out. See friends. Vent a little. She did, too, so it worked well.
We met again the next morning for coffee, with TheDog, and to swap books. She's been reading a bit on her break between jobs, and I've been looking for a good book. So we exchanged recently read favorites and talked about what the other should do about their respective boy situation.
Walking home I realized my boy situation isn't as bad as it feels at times. I know it's not great, but it's still fun, and I don't doubt he wants to spend time with me. I just may want more than he does right now.
This morning, S stopped by to walk to the coffee shop with TheDog and I. We spent hours talking. Between the walk, the patio at the coffee shop and my couch. Some of the same topics as the day before, but completely different. I've known her for less time, but she knows me far better.
We talked about the boy, our jobs, politics, house issues, and everything else. I (hope I) helped her figure some things out where her career is concerned, and she helped me with a few things I'm struggling with.
And our conversation helped me to realize a few very important differences in how you weigh your options of leaving a job versus a relationship.
With a job, you should leave not only because where you are isn't working for you, but because you're sure the next will be better. Not just different. The whole running to something, not from something.
But with a relationship, if it's not working for you, really not working for you, that's reason enough to leave.
It's about needing the job, but not a guy. It's about career paths and not making too many switches, but paths and switches aren't necessarily frowned upon in the dating world. It's about loyalty and working things out.
Many people have said they don't understand why, when it comes to my career, I can go for what I want, be assertive and self-assured. However when it comes to relationships, I can be a bit apprehensive.
My company needs me and I need them. I know if I leave I have other prospects. Although I want a guy, I don't need one, and he doesn't need me. And if I leave, there's no guarantee of another prospect.
Of course, I still won't stay, in either, if I'm truly not getting what I need or being treated badly. But it's good to recognize that, while only one is a job, both are hard work.