brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

behind the words

I know I've said it a thousand times, but I love my friends. Some of them must be somewhat psychic. They somehow know to call, e-mail, IM or text me just when I need it most. A quick check-in to see how I'm doing.

With some I know to answer that I'm getting by. With some I can be honest and tell them flat out that I'm actually feeling rather crappy.

The ones I can be honest with are the ones who don't tell me to just get over it. They don't question my vodka intake on Saturday night. They understand if I ask him what happened, or if I decide not to acknowledge him ever again, whichever I decide I need to do*. They don't tell me I must meet guys out or get my profile back online immediately. They understand my need to feel sad for a little while.

All of my friends tell me I deserve better, and of course, they're all right.

Everyone just has their own way of dealing with getting over someone. Mine is not to simply turn it off. I like to think about it, at least for a little while. Try and commit to memory both the great and not-so-great things about the relationship. Mostly so I can do my best to not repeat the not-so-great next time.

I'm heading to New York in a few short hours, with my new camera as my traveling companion. To see great friends. Great friends who will let me either talk about it or just forget, whichever suits me at the time.

* He texted tonight and said he was sorry, he can't give me what I want and deserve. Who is he to think he knows what I want? As far as deserve? I definitely deserve better, at the very least someone who tells me to my face that it isn't working for him. When he figures it out, not after a nearly a week of silence. Meaning the sorry at least a little bit. Feeling terrible that he treated another human being so poorly, much less someone he used to care about deeply.


Glitter said...

I find it's always harder when you don't have a real reason to hate the guy - like he calls you a slut or says he doesn't love you anymore - so just take the time you need. That's the best you can do.

Thank god for friends!

hubs said...

glitter, it seems to me she has some pretty good reasons to hate the guy. enjoy nyc rambling.

Jen said...

Enjoy your trip and take lots of pictures. I think that he must have been a real coward to keep stringing you along for so long. And to say what he said by means of a text message. Ugh.

deweyintoronto said...

Seriously? In a fucking text message? Most men suck. He's being presumptuous, and you deserve better. Either way, you're right to do what you need to do, but I caution you against expecting too much in the way of closure. If he feels it's appropriate to have this discussion in text format, you might never get a real answer.

VJ said...

It's done. Enjoy the trip RG. More thoughts on happiness here:

Which is a subset of here:
[], which is worth the trip, if only for the koans. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'

Trish Ryan said...

Have an amazing trip! You do deserve better, and there's a Mr. Right who will know what you want...sort of like an instinct. He'll also love your dog :)