and miles to go before I sleep

I drank way too much this weekend. so much so that I'm shaking a little now.

no, it's not what you're thinking. I only had one beer and one martini. (although Friday night a few more might have been advised.) what I am trying to say is that I'm entirely over-caffeinated.

and my over-caffeinated brain seems to have a bit of an attention span issue (which is not helping me get work done). random thoughts popping in and out of my head constantly. mostly inconsequential randomness. but something popped that made me realize something. a little something I'd mostly forgotten about.

the events of the weekend helped bring about the memory. a missed meeting Friday night. a few conversations over the weekend. and the realization that the pesky culprit, bad-timing, may have messed up things, yet again. I think there was even some mention of star-crossed in the apology.

part of our conversation reminded me of when we first met. reminded me that we exchanged numbers once before. and although he never called back then, I still might have called him had my last boyfriend not been in the picture. so along with a few other meetings, this one might have been different if I had the foresight to end things with the ex when I should have. if the timing had been different.

for now I'm not banking on hanging out with him anytime soon. I admit, I was excited to see him this weekend. but there was only a nebulous "call me later if you're out and want to meet up" that ended the apology conversation. no concrete "let's find some time soon to get together" as I had hoped.

for now, he's just a good friend. and honestly I'm happy that he is. more might be great, but it might not be. maybe someday we'll find out, maybe not. for now friendship works for me, hopefully it does for him, too. I think I'd still be open to more, but if he's not sure, I'd rather we continue as friends than start something that one of us doesn't really want.