the night before I went to a cold college football game. leaves falling slowly, reminders of fall. and the night before that, the Warren Miller movie. the precursor to my ski season. every year. this year an added bonus, a benefit for hurricane victims.
last week the girls showed up on my doorstep with pumpkins, appetizers and dessert. we drank wine and carved. the result was pretty impressive (if I may so boldly brag about my friends' mad carving skills).before that I went to see a little musical about an orphan with my mom. another reminder how lucky I am to have the family that I do.
the weekend before I caught up with an out of town friend before a Broncos game. spent quality family time celebrating my niece's birthday. and had a fun night out with the girls that ended in being "picked up" by a couple.
despite all the fun, excitement and general "life is grand" moments I've experienced lately, one small piece of news yesterday left me feeling like the world is a bit upside down. even tonight when I kissed a boy goodnight before I headed home, something bothered me deep down.
it's down to me. I'm the only one left. nearly every friend I have, even those younger, are either shacked-up, engaged or married. and my brother. the player. well, he got engaged yesterday. I'm extremely happy for them. she's incredible and they're great together.
but as he told me the news yesterday a little hole inside grew a tiny bit larger. I know some of you that read this will think I'm sad. I'm not sure that's what I am. I know some of my friends will strongly suggest I do something about it. I'm not sure I really want to right now.
I love my life. the way it is. my friends and family. my more-than-friends. my dog. even most days, my job.
but I have to admit some days, like yesterday, I do feel like a little something is missing. a little gnawing hole that isn't filled in. something needing to become complete.
is life really incomplete if you don't have someone special to share it with for the long run? I don't know the answer. I sometimes state (with a bit too much bravado) that I do know the answer. that of course I don't need someone to make me complete.
perhaps that's it. I don't need someone, but I think I may want someone. I don't think I want to take this entire journey alone. parts of it, sure. but parts of life are made for two. like halloween costumes. all of the costume store workers assumed I had another half. that I needed a couple's costume.
no it's just me. but the costume will be good. and hopefully funny.
8 comments:
Ah, Ramblin' Girl. I know what you mean. Singleton status doesn't suit me. It just doesn't. It is NOT that I am incomplete, not a whole. I can enjoy my time alone. I can make my own decisions. I don't need a cheerleader. Its just that I want someone, the same someone, to share my stories with. The stories about the alonetime and the decisions.
It will come.
I'm just jealous that you got to meet kt, and apparently everyone but me (you, kt, Ms. Pan) are watching Warren Miller. I need to rent a Warren Miller video!
Those are some awfully impressive pumpkins! Love the cat one especially. You’ve decided on a costume?
rg,
you've been thinking just like me lately. thanks for putting my thoughts into words. i suppose i'm happy with the way things are right now, but yeah...sometimes it would be, just...nice to have someone to share it with. oh, i don't know. have a great halloween! i'll be in iowa. at a, yep...wedding.
I think we humans are social creatures. Obviously, you have a strong social network of great friends and family. So, in one sense there seems little need for you to have a "significant other" in your life. Still, for some (like me), I feel stronger and more complete somehow in a committed relationship. That is not the same thing as saying that I am incomplete out of a relationship, just somehow stronger for being in one. Dunno. Hard to explain.
I hope you meet someone who makes you happy all the time. Someone who, when you get a chance to think about it, you really don't want to be ever missing from your side (no, dogs don't count!) Maybe it is as simple as that - you have found the right person for you when you can't imagine not having that person in your life.
Great pumpkins, by the way!
it was so good to meet you rg! we must hang out again soon! =)
as for what you've been feeling lately. yeeaaah. the grass is ALWAYS greener. but, i know what you're going through too.
so does this mean i get the go-ahead to set you up? =)
RG,
Yep...I know exactly how you feel. And for me, the fact that the holidays are coming and I'm facing them as a single guy AGAIN (this will make 8 out of the last 10 years) only stretches the hole a bit more.
~Kurt
You should take a look at the book QuirkyAlone by Sasha Cagen. It isn't against couples or anything, it just offers an alternative way of looking at things.
Anyhow, I always enjoy reading your blog and your exciting adventures.
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