brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

re-focus

Usually focus is a good thing. Usually I determine that there's something I want, and I figure out what I need to do to get it. But lately I think I may be too focused. And then there's the problem of not really knowing how to go about getting what I want.

It's so much easier when it has to do with things that are straight-forward. Like work. Or play. Or most everything.

What's not easy is having to figure out others. With work it's easy. If someone doesn't do what you want or need, you figure out a way around that, find someone who can do or give you what you need.

With other things it doesn't work. With planning surprise birthday gatherings or shower presents. With dating. You rely on others that you have no sway over. People who aren't committed to a common goal.

I've always been good about helping friends, family and others to see that my goals are beneficial to everyone. But lately it's not working. My goals seem to have diverged from everyone else's. Guys, family, friends. They all are looking for something different than I am. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to re-focus, or if I even should.

3 comments:

Glitter said...

Focus on YOU!

VJ said...

This? "I've always been good about helping friends, family and others to see that my goals are beneficial to everyone. But lately it's not working. My goals seem to have diverged from everyone else's. Guys, family, friends. They all are looking for something different than I am. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to re-focus, or if I even should."

Is pretty natural for most people. Your goals as an independent adult Need Not Exactly coincide with the wants and needs of others, even close family members. Given the contingencies of modern life, there will likely comes times when your goals and needs will necessarily diverge from others. Perfectly common. Although your post is vague on the details, while your approach is a fine Negotiating tactic if coming together for a common purpose or mutually Agreed upon goal, it need not be the continuing operating principle always and in & under all conditions.

So divergences in wants, needs & desires & dreams are perfectly natural. They may come to better understand your purposes in making these decisions, but sometimes you've 'just got to walk that lonely road alone'. It's important not to be too selfish or self centered in your assertions here, but past a certain point, that may be unavoidable as well. All you can hope is that with your continued dialog with friends & family they will come to see the situation as you do and from your perspective. That may be useful, even if they still disagree on the specifics.

See? You got a few 100 words, and I'm still not certain what on earth this applies to exactly. Now that's some kind of Special! Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

Elizabeth said...

RG,

Sometimes, I run into that with my staff. I want to do something fun, or nice, and someone bristles, or wants something different, and my original plan to just do something fun and thoughtful gets plowed under the weeds.

Extract yourself. Unravel the roots. Figure out what your original intention was, see if it coincides with the intendee, and then adjust.

Or, just go with your gut. It most probably is right.

Betty