brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

actually asked the question

I love me a great John Cusack movie. I love, LOVE High Fidelity. Music slant helps, of course. The wandering through his top five girlfriends to figure out maybe where he went wrong, or maybe where he went right, always strikes a chord.

I do this, too. Particularly around break-up time. I start wondering. Start what-if-ing. Start questioning if I am a good girlfriend.

The last one told me I was a great girlfriend. But he kicked me to the curb anyway. So it begs the question be asked. But, of who?

With most of my exes, if I asked them that question, their hubris would have them believe I wanted them back. Which is actually not the case with any. Not even the last one, after how it ended.

But there's one. One I truly am still friends with, who was the best boyfriend I ever had, who lives over a thousand miles away. Who would not ever imagine I was trying to get back together with him. Because although it was great, it never would have lasted, and we both knew that.

So, in a moment of wanting to be a better person, better girlfriend to the next, more happy with the next, I asked him if I was a good girlfriend. And this was his answer, only slightly edited:

You are/were the best girlfriend I have ever had.

Caring, sharing, honest, smart, beautiful, great *****, great smile, great attitude, kicked *** driving, skiing, partying, I don't know, I don't see a thing wrong with you.

Were you a good girlfriend?


You were the best a guy could ever ask for.

He then went on to say that he couldn't think of anything I did wrong, that maybe I should look at the guys I'm choosing to date. I think he's onto something there. I just don't know how to meet better ones, not that I've been meeting any at all.


Elizabeth said...

I read The Five Men Who Broke My Heart by Susan Shapiro, who does just what you are doing. I haven't done that. I talk to men who's hearts were perhaps bruised a bit by me, but I don't have the guts to ask the ones who broke mine why I wasn't good enough. I don't want to know. I just want(ed) to find one for whom the skills I brought to the table were just right. :-)

I wish the same for you.


Trish Ryan said...

Wow, he makes a great point. It's easier to assume that we're the problem, b/c then we can do something to fix it. But that's not usually the case (chances are, if you're willing to entertain the possibility that you were a terrible girlfriend you were probably all the wonderful things he said and more...)

Sometimes it's a quality control issue, dating a higher caliber of guy.

Jen said...

His response doesn't surprise me at all. I always knew that you weren't the problem, and that you were a real catch. I can just tell.

VJ said...

Amen. Print it and keep it with you. Always think of it when the impulse overtakes reason and you begin to have those dark thoughts of inadequacy. Some things were never meant to last. Some moments just brief flickerings of magic shared with a fortunate few. Those with whom we chose to share in ourselves become part of us, part of our history & experience. We always need to try and choose wisely, but this is from a universe of possibilities we've got on hand. That's the limiting factor here, the material you've got to work with. I'd say offhand, you need better subjects. But this is a gift of wisdom coming from someone who has little to gain from overblown flattering. And it's indeed very flattering!

Bottom line? Not uncommonly it's not you, it's them. And most of them know it too! Few will admit to it, but perhaps with the fullness of time, more might chance & brave such an assessment. Cheers & Good Luck! 'VJ'

Glitter said...

I've been told that before too. One of my exes told me I was 99.9% perfect. When we broke up I decided the .01% was him!