brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

what are your intentions?

well meaning friends. assuring me that he's interested in me. that he's not interested in me.

he's not. he is.

I'm certain he's sending signals he's interested. that he's not interested.

he's not. he is.

if I can't rely on my friends' intuition or my own, then what can I rely on?

in my experience guys don't take out billboards when there's a little interest. well most don't. the ones that do are usually the scary ones.

how can I figure it out without feeling foolish like I have in the past? ask them what are your intentions? that's screwed up at least one of my good friendships in the past. wait until they make it blatantly obvious? but do they ever do that?

you're thinking it can't be that bad. no one can be that clueless. well, I can. and to demonstrate this, a few examples of just how terrible a judge of guys' intentions I can be.

I was at the Killers show at Red Rocks last Friday. (killer show, by the way.) on the way in, J and I ran into a guy friend of mine. we were very good friends. but I suspected he was interested, right down to the night he met his now wife. I had thought there was potential for more. apparently, I was wrong.

seeing him, there, reminded me of another guy friend from that same group. I was convinced we were just good friends, until one night after a show at Red Rocks he offered for me to crash at his house. in his bed.

then, later last Friday night, I apparently made a little drunken promise. I was slightly nervous about A talking with TheBaker the next day. so I drank. too much. with the liquid courage I became confident in what I thought were at least somewhat positive signals from him the weekend before. (yes, despite his kissing another girl while they were hammered.)

since she's been bugging me for a while about it. and continues to do so every time I see her. I confidently promised J that if he wasn't interested in me at all I'd do it.

again, I was wrong. I'd somewhat forgotten about the promise. but J reminded me, and now she's holding me to it. so what? so now I'm supposed to figure out a guy's level of interest from a few e-mails?


Robb said...

Just be honest and up front. If you want to know something, ask! Sure it burns you here and there, but it is usually the best policy.

Anonymous said...

just do it.

28goingon40 said...

I say - do it. I'm doing it and the usual datings bumps still happen. First dates...wondering, questioning, but at least you get another first date sooner than you would normally and bouncing back from one bad date with two new good ones - IT'S GREAT!!!
Good luck.

Van! said...

I am interested...shall we shag now...or later?

Rebecca said...

Who can't relate to this? I'm going through it now and (unfortunately) don't have an answer for you except maybe all of the people who commented before me know what they're talking about!

Yoda said...


DO NOT LET A GUY MAKE YOU CRAZY! Sorry, I don't mean to yell, but, Sheesh! When you're interested, do something. When you're walking together, hold his hand. If an opportunity for a kiss comes along...take it. Don't wait for him to make the first move. Or, if you DO wait for him to make the first move, be very, very patient.

Drives me frigging nuts trying to guess what a woman is thinking. Yesterday, at lunch, I hesitated for a second when it was my turn to order and RadiantSmile just ordered for me, and she got it right. Exactly what I was thinking. Then she laughed and said, "We might as well be married!" Okay, yes.

And then she offers me advice on how to woo Freckles.

I'll paraphrase something Merlin says to Arthur in "Camelot": "Don't worry too much about what the opposite sex is thinking. They don't do it very often."

Mixed signals from RadiantSmile? Abso-friggin-lutely. So what? I refuse to lose any sleep over it. She knows that if she were to change her mind about us (while I'm still unattached), I'd go there in a picosecond.

Openness is very liberating.


Garry Evens said...

I work best when in a constant state of paranoia. I say, submit to your fears, worry often and try not eat so much Chick-fil-a.

Keith said...

Hmm....sounds like he's playing it cool, and its getting your panties all in a bunch. There's an attraction for you, and you should go for it with subtle if not overt signals i.e. hand holding, shoulder rub to a kiss. Good luck. Writing this makes me think I could use & enjoy all three of those. Are you going to be in NY soon? ;-)

Julie said...

My feelings on internet dating are mixed at best. I mean, it's worth a shot, but you have to be prepared for a lot of bullshit. There are the ones you meet in person who are nothing like they represented themselves to be. There are the pervs who will ask you all sorts of creepy things. There are the perpetual emailers who will shrink in horror when you suggest meeting in person.

BUT, I'm sure there's some out there who are worthwhile (not that I've met them...) Think of it like searching a beach for a particular piece of sand.

That said, if you're not able to move in for the kill in an in-person setting, it does help you to break the ice. You have to decide what will work for you. Either way, good luck!