brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

broken promises

first, if you haven't read Saturday's post, you should before you read this one.

no, really, now...

or this won't make any sense...


so, back to last Saturday night. when C and I are outside the cabin, he tells me that K and TheBaker were kissing in the bar. he thought I should know. being painkillered and drunk. I start to cry. it's not voluntary, it just is.

I have to go back inside. I walk in. K and TheBaker are still sitting close on the couch, but I can't look at them. I can't let them see me cry. M is half passed out. Atlanta takes one look at my tears and says that he needs to talk to me outside.

he'd picked up on my interest in TheBaker on Friday. he'd tried to help with my courage in that respect. and he understood how sad I must feel for the occurances at the bar. what he didn't know was how K had literally promised me that she wouldn't hook up with TheBaker.

flashback to Vegas:

we had such a great time in Vegas. getting to know A's friends was cool. it's always so much fun to meet your friend's college friends. K was in Vegas, and was quite the flirt, which was fun for Vegas.

she had asked A about the possibilities of single guys at the wedding. A said K knew most of the guys from college, but TheBaker and a few other Colorado friends would be there. A and M had told the other girls and K about my crazy crush on TheBaker. so, K promised not to flirt or hook up with him.

flash-forward to the day before A's wedding:

K meets TheBaker, and pulls me outside to confirm indeed that was the crush. yes, I confirm it is him. so, it's not a case of forgetting.

and back to Saturday late night:

sure I was sad that it had happened. but I was really mad that I'd considered A's friend to be my own, and trusted her. I felt so betrayed. Atlanta and I talked more, he calmed me down. he helped me find the courage to go back inside.

I try to be courageous. K gets up and goes to pray to the porcelain god. TheBaker is talking to me. I try to answer nonchalantly. I feel like someone crushed my heart.

I eventually stumble to bed. when I wake up my hand is killing me, and I feel like I'm going to die, or at least want to. apparently there is a reason they tell you not to drink with pain killers. but instead of death, slow torture is all I find.

as everyone slowly wakes up, we can hear the girls talking through the paper thin walls. one of the girls (not K) says she feels bad for me, since the drunk baker climbed into bed with her. another says at least she didn't kiss him. to which K says something about if she weren't still drunk, maybe she'd feel bad about it.

at the brunch, I try to act as if I'm ok with it all. but I can't bring myself to go anywhere near TheBaker. and although K's trying to make small talk with me, I have a hard time being even remotely friendly. she doesn't even mention it, much less apologize.

everyone begins to leave. one of the other girls is riding back to Denver with me. she's been friends with them all since college. she's apalled at K's behavior. and can't believe she didn't at least say she was sorry to me before she left.

K did e-mail me when she got back to work on Tuesday. it made me feel a little better about the whole thing. she said she felt horrible about it. I told her already forgiven. what really would come of holding a grudge? I know not to trust her in the future, but I probably will never see her again, anyway.

what hurts the most is it had been so long since I'd even met a guy I liked that much. a guy who could make me laugh, liked good music, was funny. one I thought might be interested in me, at least for a little while. I just felt so stupid.

when A got back to work Wednesday, she heard the story. she was furious with K. she was surprised I'd forgiven her. I told her I'm not good at holding a grudge. she doesn't like what K would do after promising she wouldn't. she was also worried that K would hurt TheBaker with her flirty ways.

and since she was worried about TheBaker, A was going to talk to him yesterday about it. in doing so, she thought she would have to bring me up. meaning things would be in the open. for better or worse.

A hasn't called me. I'm guessing that no news is bad news. I really thought she'd call to tell me how it went. is my ability to judge character that out of whack? should I stop trusting friends and guys so easily?

maybe it's time to move on. move on past TheBaker and certain friends. maybe next time I won't be as shy. I won't give another girl time to move in when I really like a guy. maybe I won't believe friends will treat me as I would treat them.

maybe, but knowing me, probably not. I just wish I didn't feel so completely foolish about the whole thing.

9 comments:

Gyrobo said...

Aren't you glad you have a blog on which to vent this information?

Julie said...

RG, men suck. All of them. Don't feel foolish, you didn't do anything wrong. Niether did he, really. I gather that he didn't know you were interested? K, on the other hand. Ugh.

This too shall pass. I hope you're feeling better (injury wise).

GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

I know the feeling, I felt that way about Harley....so you aren't alone. Glad you aren't holding a grudge. Just see what happens who knows....there is always potential.

Oh wait, that's the eternal optimist in me.

Callie said...

I think you're right to just get past K's behaviour and not hold a grudge. She obviously isn't worth your time or energy, and there is no reason to pursue a vendetta against her. You're a much better person than that.

As far as things with TheBaker, there are a lot of maybes... like maybe he didn't know you weren't with C, or maybe he was just hammered out of his tree, or maybe he thought you weren't interested. So many things to guess about.

I'm the type of person that just does things and worries about making an ass out of myself after the fact. If you're really interested in him, maybe you should give 'er a go? Life is short.

Yoda said...

RG,

Yep...relating to people is hard. Conveying how you feel, knowing that people are very quick to reject (mostly out of fear of being hurt themselves)...well, when you figure that one out, tell me and we'll both know.

The thing to remember is that things with TheBaker weren't defined, whether he knew how you feel or not. Clearly, if he was mackin' on K and climbing into bed with her before passing out, he was drunk, desperate and lonely. He may feel a little foolish about it, too.

Look at it this way: If you'd opened the door to something with him that began as a drunken make-out session and led to him being passed out in YOUR bed, it would have been very awkward in the morning as you both tried to nurse your hangovers. Would you have wanted that?

Best to start things off clear-headed...

~Kurt

ramblin' girl said...

you guys are great! really!

Julie and GGG- yes, yes, and the eternal optimist in me holds out a little hope, but not much...

Yoda- wise, as always. indeed you are right. but one litte clarification, he crawled into bed with another girl, not K, so I'm guessing he was pretty hammered. and no, not making excuses for him. but yes very happy not to have embarrassed myself with a drunken display.

Callie- TheBaker was indeed aware that C and I are not together. but being as A works with me and still hasn't mentioned anything about their little talk, I'm guessing he's not interested.

oh, well, other fish in the sea...

Gordy said...

Wow this is a tough story, and I know it hurts..but if the guy was into you at all, then he would not have been messing about with K anyway, so you probably lucked out as you Americans would say.

When the right guy comes along, you will know it.

Jen said...

I knew it! I can't believe she did that after promising you. You are a much better person than I am to be able to forgive that easily. Even though it is not productive, I would still hold a grudge for a while, if it had happened to me.

LaLaLa said...

Ok - first off, so sorry about your hand. I slammed my car door on my thumb last November. I thought I was going to die. I can only imagine your pain. I hope the hand is better.

As for TheBaker - what a lame-o! You are the kind of woman who has her life and doesn't need a man. I think some men are threatened by an independent woman. So while they might intrigued and attracted to a woman of amazing qualities and substance, they get scared opt for the "easy" choice.

So let that show you how he is. What if you did get together and have a relationship and things got rocky? What if he would have opted for the easy way and split instead of taking the intelligent route by working on the issue? I know it's a lot of "what-if's" but it doesn't hurt to consider.

But then again, sometimes there is a serious lapse in judgement brought on by large alcohol consumption. Damn you alcohol! And people sometimes deserve a second chance to mend their ways.

As for that girl, there are a million girls like that who wreak havoc on good cathes such as yourself. They are a dime a dozen. You are one in a million and baker dude can't see that, then he's an idiot.