first, if you haven't read Saturday's post, you should before you read this one.
no, really, now...
or this won't make any sense...
so, back to last Saturday night. when C and I are outside the cabin, he tells me that K and TheBaker were kissing in the bar. he thought I should know. being painkillered and drunk. I start to cry. it's not voluntary, it just is.
I have to go back inside. I walk in. K and TheBaker are still sitting close on the couch, but I can't look at them. I can't let them see me cry. M is half passed out. Atlanta takes one look at my tears and says that he needs to talk to me outside.
he'd picked up on my interest in TheBaker on Friday. he'd tried to help with my courage in that respect. and he understood how sad I must feel for the occurances at the bar. what he didn't know was how K had literally promised me that she wouldn't hook up with TheBaker.
flashback to Vegas:
we had such a great time in Vegas. getting to know A's friends was cool. it's always so much fun to meet your friend's college friends. K was in Vegas, and was quite the flirt, which was fun for Vegas.
she had asked A about the possibilities of single guys at the wedding. A said K knew most of the guys from college, but TheBaker and a few other Colorado friends would be there. A and M had told the other girls and K about my crazy crush on TheBaker. so, K promised not to flirt or hook up with him.
flash-forward to the day before A's wedding:
K meets TheBaker, and pulls me outside to confirm indeed that was the crush. yes, I confirm it is him. so, it's not a case of forgetting.
and back to Saturday late night:
sure I was sad that it had happened. but I was really mad that I'd considered A's friend to be my own, and trusted her. I felt so betrayed. Atlanta and I talked more, he calmed me down. he helped me find the courage to go back inside.
I try to be courageous. K gets up and goes to pray to the porcelain god. TheBaker is talking to me. I try to answer nonchalantly. I feel like someone crushed my heart.
I eventually stumble to bed. when I wake up my hand is killing me, and I feel like I'm going to die, or at least want to. apparently there is a reason they tell you not to drink with pain killers. but instead of death, slow torture is all I find.
as everyone slowly wakes up, we can hear the girls talking through the paper thin walls. one of the girls (not K) says she feels bad for me, since the drunk baker climbed into bed with her. another says at least she didn't kiss him. to which K says something about if she weren't still drunk, maybe she'd feel bad about it.
at the brunch, I try to act as if I'm ok with it all. but I can't bring myself to go anywhere near TheBaker. and although K's trying to make small talk with me, I have a hard time being even remotely friendly. she doesn't even mention it, much less apologize.
everyone begins to leave. one of the other girls is riding back to Denver with me. she's been friends with them all since college. she's apalled at K's behavior. and can't believe she didn't at least say she was sorry to me before she left.
K did e-mail me when she got back to work on Tuesday. it made me feel a little better about the whole thing. she said she felt horrible about it. I told her already forgiven. what really would come of holding a grudge? I know not to trust her in the future, but I probably will never see her again, anyway.
what hurts the most is it had been so long since I'd even met a guy I liked that much. a guy who could make me laugh, liked good music, was funny. one I thought might be interested in me, at least for a little while. I just felt so stupid.
when A got back to work Wednesday, she heard the story. she was furious with K. she was surprised I'd forgiven her. I told her I'm not good at holding a grudge. she doesn't like what K would do after promising she wouldn't. she was also worried that K would hurt TheBaker with her flirty ways.
and since she was worried about TheBaker, A was going to talk to him yesterday about it. in doing so, she thought she would have to bring me up. meaning things would be in the open. for better or worse.
A hasn't called me. I'm guessing that no news is bad news. I really thought she'd call to tell me how it went. is my ability to judge character that out of whack? should I stop trusting friends and guys so easily?
maybe it's time to move on. move on past TheBaker and certain friends. maybe next time I won't be as shy. I won't give another girl time to move in when I really like a guy. maybe I won't believe friends will treat me as I would treat them.
maybe, but knowing me, probably not. I just wish I didn't feel so completely foolish about the whole thing.