brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

salty rock

I feel like I'm losing it. My last shred of sanity is slipping away. I can't even hold a coherent conversation.

My poor friends. A few have made the mistake of asking how things are going, and I just start babbling. And babbling. All kinds of things spill out.

But I can't say what I want to say. How do I tell someone in e-mail that I'm scared that my grandma may not want to get better. And I'm even more scared of what that will do to my mom.

My mom, who called me her rock yesterday as she dropped me at the airport. After I left her curbside, I slipped inside the airport but didn't check in immediately. I had to wait until the sobbing subsided.

How can I be anyone's rock?

My friend who's taken the new job stopped by my office today. She asked if I was alright. I said yes. She called me on my red and swollen eyes.

I told her I've basically been crying for two weeks. Just about anything can set me off. So I try not to talk about things in front of people.

At least when I cry over my keyboard no one can see. If it weren't for the red eyes and the salty residue on my space bar, I might be able to hide my crumbling sanity.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

i know you don't know me, but i read your blog.

hugs... working your way through the bad times makes you stronger during the good times, i promise

- leigh

hubs said...

hang in there kiddo.

Jen said...

This is just a rough time for you- try to have faith that one day everything is going to be fine and good again. I know it is hard to see outside of your current situation.

I'm sending up another prayer for you and your Grandma.

julie said...

Your sanity isn't crumbling, you just have too much hitting you at once. It's perfectly normal that you're having trouble keeping it in. Breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth. You will get through this.

Glitter said...

You are dealing with so much...Just take a deep breath and keep on doing it...take a walk...even if it's inside. It will make you feel better.

{{{{hugs}}}}

ramblin' girl said...

Thank you everyone for your kind words. They truly mean a lot.