brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

is great good enough?

I took TheDog for a walk tonight. To take advantage of the earlier-than-usual daylight savings time. To try to make up for neglecting her over the past two months.

Our relaxing walk gave me perhaps too much time to think. The first time in a long time when there wasn't a cell phone interrupting my thoughts. Or some work issue I had to work out.

Enough thinking time that the thing that's been lurking in the depths started to surface. I know things aren't great. But I don't know why.

There's a lack of compassion for what I'm going through with my grandma. There's a constant feeling of guilt being laid upon me because of long work hours. And there's not really anyone I can talk to about it.

Everyone thinks he's great. My parents, brothers, sister, friends, even my boss. And he is. But I'm not sure we're great. And I'm not sure how to figure it out or what to do about it. Or if I should.


Amy said...

ooh, but that was such a great realization "everyone thinks he's great. And he is, but I'm not sure we're great" aye, there's the rub.

The worst mistake you can make is to let a good relationship go because the other person didn't intuitively know what was missing. At the very least, be communicative. If at that point you still don't feel that certain something, that sense of compassion or whatnot, then re-evaluate. But don't let a good one go because he doesn't know exactly what you need right now. Maybe he thinks you need space, or that you need someone to not dwell on what's wrong (when you perhaps want to talk about it). Good ones can be great ones, but not without some communication.

Hang in there. You seem so strong and able. Allow yourself the time to be weak and cared-for, too.

Glitter said...

Hang in there RG, talk to him. See what happens. He might surprise you, or not and then you will know.

hubs said...

very good amy!

Jen said...

Amy is right, you should talk to him, but these nagging feelings you are having might be for a reason. And lack of compassion is a HUGE thing. Plus, wasn't he going to just pick up and move away at one point? If it doesn't feel right, it is up to you to try to "fix it" or be done with it. Who cares what everyone thinks, you're the one that has to be happy.