brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

it can get worse

I'm beginning to dread when my cell phone rings. Only friends and family have the number, so I usually get excited when the phone rings. But lately it's all been bad news.

My mom called while I was still at work. She asked if I had gotten my plane ticket to come down this weekend yet. I said no. She said that was good, that I shouldn't.

My breathe caught. Why not? She couldn't be...

She interrupted my thought. Told me that my grandma had had enough of hospitals. Of the nursing home. She was ready to come home to die.

Tears streamed down my face. But I tried to hold it together for my mom.

My mom explained that my grandma wants to come home, to Colorado. She wants to be near her family. That my mom needs me to help her drive her back.

So my ticket needs to be one-way. Not roundtrip as I'd planned.

I'm worried. Really worried. How are my mom and I supposed to take care of her in an RV on a road trip. What if the trip back makes her worse. Or worse than worse.


Julie said...

I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say. I'm not the praying kind, but please know that you are in my thoughts. I hope the trip home goes as well as can be expected.

Amy said...

A month after my wedding, my mom was officially bedridden. She had been fighting cancer for years, but in the recent months, it had taken its death grip on her, never to let go. I went home, where she was laid up in my childhood home and spent the next couple of months mainly there and not back at my new home with my new husband. It was hard. But I knew she was ready to go, and my desire to keep her here was selfish. She was in pain, she was unable to function, she was completely NOT herself anymore. How could I pray for God to keep her in that state any longer?

My point is simply to say, treasure this time, but allow it to be good for the sake of your grandma. While it is extremely difficult for any of us to welcome death, when it is time to go, I say we should do it with as much grace and joy as we can.

Celebrate her life with her over the next while. Treasure every moment together. And when God calls her home, be ever so grateful for each of these moments you have shared with her in your lifetime.

Peter Matthes said...

The most important thing when someone is sick:

That they are with people that they love, and people who love them in return.

Dan said...

Peter said it better than I could. Your grandma wants to be with you, not with faceless, busy people in a hospital somewhere. My dad died just before Christmas like that. I wish he would have come home to die.

I feel for you. I really do. But this may turn out to be one of the most life-affirming things you've ever done.

(I'm not sure how I found your blog. Popped in from somewhere or other.)

Glitter said... I hate to hear this but I'll keep your family in my prayers.

Rainypete said...

Treasure the time you get. She is lucky to have you guys willing to shoot out and help her out in this. I recently lost my grandmother and it sucks.