brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

not invisible

How is it that I'm always there. For them. With them. But I'm never noticed.

Just me. Just a friend. Just a pal. Just the girl they see on their way to work. Or at work. Or after work.

The one they invite places, often. But never one-on-one.

I'm not that plain-jane. At least I don't think I am. Some tell me I'm beautiful. But they don't mean for them. I never stand out. Not to the ones I care about.

I'm the nice one. The dependable one.

They always confide in me. About the one they do love. The one that makes their heart skip a beat. The one that is never me.

They lean on me to boost their egos when they need it. To drive them home when they cannot. To pick up the shattered pieces when another "she" has destroyed them.

Even the ones that do notice me. Eventually stop noticing. Even with them I become just the friend. The one to count on, but not to want to be with.

I'm tired of my definition. Tired of being the pal. Yet scared to lose my pals.

If the best relationships are based on amazing friendships, then why can't I get there. The amazing friendship thing I know. I do well. But those never want the relationship. Not with me.

They tell me the tales of the girls they do want. The ones that are not nice to them. At all.

I've tried to be that girl. I can't. It's not me. Even though sometimes I wish I could. I sometimes wonder if I could become visible if only I could.


Glitter said...

Random thought - this reminded me a girl who was on Confessions of Matchmaker. She found a guy. You can too.

A Life Uncommon said...

Stay the way you are... someone worthy will love you for not being a mean girl. Or is this just what I keep telling myself in hopes there are men that don't like being hurt?

hubs said...

why would you want a relationship with guys who "like" mean girls?

just something to think about.

Jen said...

I think you just haven't had good luck in finding someone. If you were to act mean to get a guy you'd end up with one you eventually wouldn't like.

I am like you in being nice, and eventually I found someone who wanted to be treated that way. They are out there, even though it might not seem like it.

ramblin' girl said...

I know, I know. hubs is absolutely right as are the rest of you, and I'm sure they don't really like the "mean" girls, they just like the challenging, mysterious girls. THat I can't pull off, either!