I've been "volunteering" at the Great American Beer Festival for a few years. I show up a little before the session, find a brewery to pour for, pour some beer, drink a little, talk with my friends and the brewery reps, wander around some. I know, it's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.
a couple of years ago I was checking in for one of my shifts. the guy checking me in was also checking me out. we chatted some. later on he came up to the brewery I was pouring for and we chatted more. numbers were exchanged. we ended up dating for over a year.
apparently we both volunteered again this year. but unlike my courage at the concert run-in this summer, I was a complete coward last night.
I checked in a little late and I worked by myself last night. so when I saw him out of the corner of my eye, I acted as if I didn't and went about my checking in.
he didn't come up to me. I also didn't go over to talk to him. I didn't feel chatty then. I didn't feel like being the bigger person.
he never came around my area of the festival later. which is a little unfortunate, because by then I had a little liquid courage. and I'd already made friends with the Sierra Nevada reps, and I'm sure they would have come to my rescue if things had gotten really uncomfortable.
now tonight, I'm working again. he'll likely be checking people in again. I hope I'll have some courage tonight, I hope I'll be the bigger person and walk up to him to say hi. it's not that I really care anymore (I don't think) it's just that there's this huge thing in the air. this uncomfortable heaviness.
I think we could be civil to each other, dare I say friendly? but it has to be mutual. I can't do it by myself. it's just so strange to see someone who used to be so much a part of your daily life. so close to you. and now to be complete strangers.
I have friends working with me tonight. they'll be there to hide behind, or walk beside whatever I decide. although, now that I think about it, perhaps I should be more worried about what they might say to him. they're still angry at him for how he treated me. shocked I have been civil to him. I have great friends here, too.
guess it could be an interesting evening.
wish me a little courage.