As we walked through the trees with the dogs I began to cry softly. I couldn't let him see the tears. He just doesn't understand.
I've tried to talk to him about Gran, about Cass. He either changes the subject or says something along the lines of, "Well, she was old."
I hung back behind him. Partly because there was snow and mud, and I have a somewhat irrational fear of slipping and being carried down a mountain to an ambulance. But also partly because I just really needed to cry. And walk a bit in solitude with TheDog.
Everything just keeps piling up. Work deadlines, car repairs, court deadlines, looming trips for weddings for which I have nothing to wear. And of course there’s trying to deal with the loss of my grandma and our dog.
As I told one of my bosses yesterday when their (fake) deadline came and went. I’m a mess, I’m doing the best I can. If you need to switch my projects to others, I understand.
Maybe I need to tell him the same. I’m a mess, I’m doing the best I can. If you need to switch to another girlfriend, I understand.