I walked outside of my grandma's house. The world was still.
The ice covered trees were still. My mind felt ice covered. Numb. Still.
I didn't want to let the thoughts I knew were lingering in my subconscious permeate my conscious.
They did anyway. Too much time to think on the slow drive home.
I knew the kiss I left on my grandma's forehead might be the last. And I almost hoped it could be. For her sake.
My mom asked me to read a book. A book about what to expect when someone is dying.
It was hard to read. But it did make it easier to come to grips with what is happening.
I just wish I were closer. Wish I could be there with my grandma, for my mom. Wish I could make her pain go away.
She is one of the most amazing people I have ever known. Her strength. Her wisdom. Her independence. Her quiet way of love.
I hope in some selfish way she holds on until tomorrow night. So I can tell her those things.