brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

not the same

he was one of my best friends. there was more there but our timing was always off. and he was less able to figure out women than I was to figure out guys.

over the decade or so that we've been friends, our friendship has changed in various ways. but there was always that certainty that I could count on him whenever I needed a friend and he could count on me.

we were competitive with each other like siblings often are. but more respectful of each other than if we were. he was my knight in shining armor when I got dumped particlarly cruelly. I was the friend he called when he needed to talk about things.

he started dating an amazing girl last year. she's great. but our friendship changed permanently when they met.

today I got their save the date card. I'm so happy for him. but, and this sounds extremely childish and selfish, I'm also a little sad.

I know, I know, I'm not losing a friend, I'm gaining another. but it's not the same.

not only that, how did he figure it all out before me? (okay, so maybe that's the competitive thing coming out again.)

but I am happy for them. and despite my slight twinge of sadness, I wish them a fantastic life together. now if I can just figure out how to make it to their wedding.

6 comments:

Wordnerd said...

Extremely childish? No. Selfish? Maybe a little. Honest? Absolutely.

JAX said...

I totally understand how you feel!!! Not selfish! Things probably won't be the same and that totally sucks and it's ok for you feel bad!!! I hated when my friendships with guys changed. It's not fair!!!!!!

Rebecca said...

I understand how you feel completely... Been there, done that. Just happened recently with my last single guy friend - and he eloped!! I didnt even get to be wistful at his wedding.. :(

Jen said...

Oh, am sorry that your friend is gone. I mean, he is not gone, but it will never be the same, so some sadness is in order. I am sure it feels kind of like losing a friend.

K said...

I 100% understand this. I feel the same way about friends getting married, even if I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. Something about the passing of childhood into adulthood...

Yoda said...

I know just how you feel...I felt it when RadiantSmile moved in with a guy a couple years ago. The part of her that was mine...the time we spent together...was no longer really hers to give, and the things we said to each other (though never approaching anything romantic) would always have to be passed through the filter of "how would HE feel about...?" They are no longer together, but I'm certain that though he and I would always have been on good terms, we would never have been *friends* because there would always have been that tiny element of competitiveness on his part. When we all met up for dinner for the first time, he asked me point blank, "...and you never even kissed?" We haven't, and the answer was simply beyond his comprehension. For my part, I have to admit that I'd only be his friend for as long as he treated her as wonderfully as she deserves, and I'm sure there's no way I could avoid communicating that...not that he'd always be on eggshells around me, but hopefully, you get the idea.

So, really, while they were together, I lost a dimension of her friendship that left a noticable hole in my life, and it made me sad.

That reminds me: I owe her a phone call. :-)

~Kurt