brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

real reason

I know I'm supposed to be able to write whatever I want to here. Vent. Get out my frustrations. But I couldn't. I wasn't supposed to. And it may have been the time I needed it the most.

With TheDog sick, worried about her every day. With work and other things as bad as they've been. I refrained from sharing my thoughts with you, with myself even, because he asked me not to.

And then he pulled the disappearing act.

I don't understand how anyone can spend over a year of their life with someone and just fade away. I know it's happened to me before, and I'm guessing it will again. But I can't comprehend just ceasing communication with no reasons no closure.

I could venture guesses as to why he did it, but the truth is I don't care. It had been difficult for a very long time.

He'd been jealous of TheDog. Upset with me for spending too much time with her, worrying about her. Even though he was with me when I had to say goodbye, I had to ask, repeatedly.

Then when the silence of no paws got too much to bear, and I adopted Puppy, he was upset at the time I spent with her.

Despite his encouraging me to adopt a pup, he didn't really want for me to. Instead of joining us for walks, or playing with us in the back yard, he had other things to do. I never seemed to be his priority, but when he wasn't mine he got upset.

It's over, and it's a good thing. Even if I don't fully understand the why.

And I'm back. Back to enjoying the things I enjoyed, back to making no apologies for sharing my thoughts with you, with anyone who might care. Back to hoping for that one, the one who really wants me to share everything with him.


Elizabeth said...

RG, I'm so glad you're back. I have tears running down my face, seeing Pup, reading your words about the selfish man, and in between the lines, hearing your heartache. How I hope for you to find the one...the one able to be a best friend as well as a lover, who would never try to silence your voice.

VJ said...

Well I don't know why I came back to check here, but I'm glad to hear of the pup. And no, any guy jealous of your dog is probably not ready for a real relationship. And no, you really shouldn't tell dates or guys that you're blogging. Few understand. And those that do frequently will tell you to stop. But unless they're very serious & open about wanting a more serious & intimate relationship? They should not be asking such, and no one should be taking them seriously as to their requests. Something to think about in the future I guess.

Sorry for your losses & the 'fade out' by the guys. It's particularly egregious chickensh*t, especially if they were such and used that as some sort of excuse. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'