brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

fading friends

I was reminded this weekend that some friends won't be forever friends. That some friends are friends for a certain period of your life and then the friendship fades.

Some friends I have been very close with on and off since college got together this weekend. And sitting at dinner, listening to some of them tell their stories, commandeering the conversation as if they were the only important ones, I realized that these friendships had started to fade.

Sure, I will always be "friends" with them. But they have become too self-absorbed to even ask about anyone else.

Things are a little rough for a couple of us right now. But not once did the self-absorbed ones ask about us.

It all became clear. They have become just good-time friends. The kind who will usually join you for a beer, but can't be counted on for real conversation.

At least I'm learning.


Susan said...

It's a hard lesson to learn - and one I constantly learn. It sucks to feel that way.

I've let so many shitty people in my life it makes me want to cry. I wish they would be half the friend I am to them.

Beth Smith said...

I hate losing friends, it's the worst when you think you will have a forever friend, and they just stop trying. oh well.

Heidi said...

Oh, that's so true! I find myself continually going back to those great high school relationships I had (rather than college) and I wonder if it's because those were forged with less liquor? Sure, I drank but there was also plenty of times when I would just go over to a friend's house after school and watch Beavis and Butthead or something.
Another thing I think is that people change and generally if you're not spending lots of time together as you change it's much easier to notice.
Finally, I didn't care about political issues when I was younger that I do care about now. Granted I'm far from "political" but I do have opinions about the issues and I find it hard sometimes to relate to those that I find ignorant. (I know that sounded mean).

But there are those close relationships that are so strong. They're rarer but those friends will be with you until death and those I'm so very grateful for.

Jeremy said...

My wife and I were at a get together type party the other night attended by a similar crowd... she came over after talking to one of her friends and asked me why I was being so quiet (she says I am a social butterfly)
I just told her I had nothing in common with these "friends"... our concerns, our interests - completely different.

I know how you feel.

Anonymous said...

and some of those so called friends totally cut themselves out of your life for no reason. perhaps they feel the same way about me as you do about yours.

Jen said...

It is probably inevitable that friends sometimes grow apart. Sometimes you end up being close friends with people more due to situation, location, etc., but you don't really have all that much else in common. Those that you truly click with are the ones that will be there through thick and thin.