brief snapshots in time. memories and thoughts. disorganized and random.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

afraid of my shadow

I've feared things big and small. Worried situations would be uncomfortable. Been scared I couldn't handle certain outcomes.

It was almost paralyzing when I was younger. I used to let these feelings keep me from trying new things, meeting new people. For whatever reason, lately, I've taken to ignoring my fears and worries. And in the end, whether I've been cautious or brave, I've always made it through. At least so far.

This year, I was almost too scared to go to the music festival. My friends had their own things going on. I was staying with a friend of a friend that I didn't know very well. And I wasn't sure how my ankle would fare on the uneven ground with only myself to count on.

When the doctor gave me the slight vote of confidence I needed, I decided to go.

The result?

I got to see my friends more than I ever imagined I would. Spent more quality time with them, than I think I did when they lived there. I gave up seeing a few bands I might have tried to catch otherwise, but hanging out with good friends is so much more important.

The friend of a friend welcomed me into his house with the same fabled southern hospitality that my long-time friend would have, had she not moved away. So hospitable, in fact, I feel I need to thank him with some grand gesture.

But, my ankle and mobility were perhaps my biggest fears. I carried my chair with me everywhere I went and rested my ankle in the middle of the field, when necessary. And I was pleasantly surprised by the accomodations made by perfect strangers for a girl in a cast on one crutch.

I was even included in a surprise birthday party for another friend of my friends. My annual trips to the festival have created almost a home away from home for me. My friends I've met through the ones that used to live there I now count among my own friends.

I may not have gotten to see every band I had hoped to. But as much as I love live music, I love visiting with my friends, both new and old, much more. And between downtown lunches, surprise breakfast movies, and leaving the festival one night early to swim and grab dinner, I think I enjoyed this year's festival more than any other.

And I never mind being proven wrong. Having none of my worries, concerns or fears materialize. Having life show me that I'm stronger and more courageous than I typically believe.

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