the last goodbye

I drove away one last time from her house. Well, her winter house. Said goodbye to the palm trees in the front yard as a few tears streamed down my face.

The house would remain in the family, but I would likely never visit again. It was the last time I'd drive out of her driveway. Like so many times before, when she was sitting in the passenger seat. On our road trips back home.

It had been over five years since she'd left us. But I still miss her terribly. I miss our road trips. I miss listening to the stories she would tell on our journeys about her childhood, about mine. I miss summers spent mowing her back yard, stealing a handful of raspberries as I did. I miss sitting on her back patio enjoying a grapefruit soda. I miss fresh squeezed grapefruit juice from her tree.

I just miss her. And I know my mom misses her even more. And when I think about it, it scares me that I'll miss my mom like this one day, too. And whenever my friends tease me about hanging out with her, traveling with her, or just talking to her often, I know I'll be very glad I took the time to create these memories with her.

do now

Nothing is worse than realizing you've fallen in love with someone who won't or who can't love you in return.

He's a jerk and completely inconsiderate sometimes. But most other times he's wonderful and caring. And I fell in love with the other times.

My heart is telling me to not give up on him. My head is insisting I do, and now. For the sake of my heart.

unexpected wisdom

If you simply listen, you can sometimes find the answers you need. Often in the places you least expect. Getting my daily dose of caffeine this morning had me overhear part of a conversation. The only part that mattered was the statement. "It's never selfish to express what you desire." I only know a little about the situation, from what I know, he was talking about not letting anyone keep you from letting them know what you want. As I embark on a little journey of improvement, these little tidbits of wisdom seem to be speaking to me louder than usual. And I'm going to do my best to listen. And maybe even repeat them.